Well, thank God that's over.
Last week was probably one of the worst weeks...in a long, long time. At the risk of this blog sounding like a sympathy-spree, I won't bore you with all the intricate details, however, let's just say that in my bid to stop one crappy thing after the other crappy thing piling on top of eachother, I resorted to sulking on couch in my jahmies for 24 hours listening to all the depressing songs on my ipod. With all negatives there are positives though, and if I were going to sit here for the next 10mintues and write about how miserable life can be sometimes, it wouldn't be my blog, would it? The positive is that this week has been much better. I am now fully showered and clothed, and back to eating solids. Let me tell you about how I got back:
"Count it all joy brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds..." James 1:2
Intial thoughts? 'Pft, righteo Mate, easy for this James kid to say, what does he know?' I kept reading-
"...for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have it's full effect so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:3-4
'Let steadfastness have it's full effect'.. what the eff does that mean? Somewhere between The Fray's 'Look After You', and my 12th cup of coffee, the light-bulb went off:
Well, hello dummy, He's telling you to be PATIENT.
Why was I going out of my mind to get answers to everything that was happening? All these 'trials' sure weren't planned by me..they were planned by God. He plotted them- what authority do I have to hasten their ends? My hurry to get through tribulation only deprives me of seeing how beautifully God is going to work it out for me... and makes it that much harder for me to see the lesson after all of it. If I just wait PATIENTLY until the fuzzy things become clear, aren't my perspectives on the matter so much more likely to be broadened? I felt like such an idiot in the moment that I realised how much more I'm going to be able to get out of the situation if I just let God do HIS job, and let things go from beginning to end without worrying about WHEN it's going to be over, or more importantly, HOW it's going to be over. I realised that my role in all the haze was simply just to sit down, shut-up and just let God vindicate in His own way...with His own timing.
God was telling me loud and clear: 'Cri, stop being so bloody self-centred and impatient. Cantcha see I'm tryin-a teach you something?'
Whatever obstacle/s God sets before me never come without a purpose. What do we learn from God throughout the whole Bible? He doesn't make shit happen cos He feels like it...He makes everything happen for a reason, and everything 'works together for good' (Romans 8:28). Why would I want to rush the lesson, and risk missing that reason? Even my hurt is part of God's divine plan. He won't leave me on the couch in my pijamas sulking and feeling sorry for myself...eventually He's going to get me up and show me how mind-numbingly stupid I am (oh, how I LOVE feeling like a fool!) and that He had my back the whole time...and that I stressed for nothing. A dear mate of mine once said that when she was going through a rough patch, all she did was stress her head off...time later, when God did what He does best and worked it all out for her, she felt so silly for having spent so much time worrying about when it was all going to be over. God's going to end all our trials when He's bloody-well good and ready, and there's nothing we can do about it...apart from having 'patience in tribulation' and giving the situation over to him without fighting so hard to finish it ourselves...so we can be 'perfect and complete..lacking in nothing.'
My grade 5 teacher used to say 'patience is a virtue..' I'm still not sure what that means, but after last week I believe I'm getting closer to understanding more of what James was on about...and having a greater apprecitation for The Fray:
On a different note: I write to let you guys know that my time here in Ecuador is wrapping up, and I'm off to the US in a week's time. Unfortunately Melbs in not my next stop. Some of you have been asking me about when I'm coming home- I'm sorry, but I have no idea. For now you might just have to be a little....patient.